So, towards the end of 2020, I got into a relationship. For those who know me, y’all know how much of a big deal this is, and guess what, I bagged a winner! Even though I’ve been accused of having the intention of peppering people on Twitter, I promise you that’s not my intention. I just can’t keep it shut sometimes. It’s been such a long time coming and it seems too good to be true. But it is.
That brings me to what I want to talk about today. “Loving You Afraid”.
Prior to being in this relationship, I’ve been in others and most times it didn’t always go as planned. So stepping into this relationship I came in with some of those fears. Lol, even though I knew she “liked” me and she’d said it a couple of times that she wanted us to become “us” eventually, my heart was still doing “gbim! gbim!”
The day I asked her out (cause she fit like you still tell you no, lol). She sha said yes. I still get excited talking about it. Anyway, back to being afraid. I was not completely ignorant of the fact that we both had fears from past experiences and each time the fears came up I’d just do “odeshi!” and move on.
On this faithful day, we had one of those not so sunny and rosy kinda day and fear grabbed me by my jugular. I couldn’t “odeshi!” my way out of this one. So I said “Babes we need to talk. Let’s bring these fears to the light so they won’t grow stronger in the shadows” (paraphrased, e no sound this cool sha cause fear been show me shege that day). So we talked extensively about our fears and it kinda felt like being in the chair, but it was therapeutic.
My greatest fear was that I’d invest so much time and energy and then she’d leave. This was as a result of past experiences and it had happened so many times that it became a voice telling me “why put all this energy in when e go end one day?” so guess what I’d do, I’d go ahead and put in all that energy. I know it’s unpopular to love someone and show the world that you do with your full chest because he/she could be in the streets and you feel like las las the joke will be on you. I can’t even lie, there’s way too many street evangelists out there and if you want to build your opinions based on people’s Twitter cruise, wahala for you oh.
Where was I? Ehen, I remember. So God’s been teaching me a lot through this relationship. The latest one is that I can only love because He first loved me and I can only love my woman best when I understand how much he loves both of us, but let’s focus on fear.
If we’re being honest, the reason why a lot of us are always thinking “it will end in tears”, is because we’ve been hurt and we’re scared of being hurt again. However, learning to love like Jesus is the only way we can conquer that fear because
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” — 1 John 4:18
So when I’m professing my love for you publicly, sometimes I fear whispers in my ear and I know you hear it too sometimes but like Andy Mineo will say “commitment ain’t for cowards” so I’ll fight it just like I know God fought that battle and won. I’ll love you everyday with my full chest, overcoming any limitation fear wants to place on my expression. I’ll open up to you with power, love and a sound mind. Loving you harder, deeper, stronger everyday, till perfect love is formed in me. And until that day, I’ll keep striving, screaming at the top of my lungs that I love you, holding your hands and seeking out your Father’s nature through your eyes till we are fully formed the way He wants us to be. And even if you see fear trying to get a hold of me, just know I’ll still be loving you afraid.❤❤❤
Oh yeah, that last part was for her 😁😁
I hope I made sense sha.😇
Love with your full chest. At least even if it ends you’ll both know you gave your all.🤗