Can I Be Friends With My Ex?

Hi, I’m back again.

Let’s go straight into it.

So the other day I was with my friend Slimzy Jackson and she managed to make me record a short episode for her podcast with her and the topic was if I could be friends with my ex. My answer was yes and I’ll tell you why.

Now when I say I can be friends with my ex I’m not talking about being close friends with my ex or talking with them every hour of everyday, that would be very unwise. What I mean is that I’m friendly with them. I don’t dislike them, I don’t wish them evil, if they are in trouble and it’s in my capacity to help I will.

Here’s why.

I have this principle when it comes to romantic relationships and it is that once we’re done, we’re done. Nothing in the world can bring us back together again. I don’t take breakups lightly, they are very serious to me. So if I’m dating someone and she says she’s not doing again, I usually ask if she is sure and once she says yes, that’s the end. I cut off communications for whatever amount of time it takes to detach myself from whatever emotional investment I have made and this is why later in life, we can meet again and be friendly with each other.

Does this mean that every emotion felt towards that person will disappear? We know that’s not true. Which is why I have boundaries for all my exes. There are conversations we can never have, there are things we can never do together etc.

If you know me you’ll know I don’t like wahala and I hate complicated situations so I stay away from them. Knowing we’re never getting back together and cutting them off for a while saves me from all that “so are we getting back together" drama. If any of them see me being friendly with them they know it’s just that.

This is just for me though, it’s not a general rule.

I know some people whose answer should be no because they easily get themselves entangled in a lot of drama and confusion when it comes to exes.

For example, you breakup with someone and you guys are still talking everyday as frequently as you used to, just that a few days ago you guys said it was over. Lol, I laugh. Emotions are very tricky. That friendship in most cases is not a friendship, it’s a situationship. So you guys begin to go through a series of post breakup breakups all because the relationship isn’t defined.

For those types of people, the answer is no. For the singular reason that there are no boundaries. Those kinds of people are most likely to have a relationship going and still be confused about an ex because the ex is coming back into the picture.

Like I said, it’s yes or no for different people. One thing is sure though. If Sharon complains about my “friendship" with an ex, that will be the end of it. I won’t say “it’s nothing" I will make it nothing. My current relationship is more valuable to me than my friendship with any of my exes.

So can I be friends with any of my exes?

Yes. It might not be the same for you though.

How do I do it?

I destroy any attachments to what used to be, I keep them at arm’s length, I set strict boundaries and I’m ready to cut any of them off it these boundaries seem like they’re not working.

Again, that may not work for you.

Can you be friends with your ex?

If yes, why?

If no, why?

Until next time.

Shalom.✌🏾